I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
