If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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