you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
