You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
