There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
