1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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