HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
