I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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