If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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