I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
