Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize