I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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