dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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