god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
