I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
