Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
