no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
