Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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