Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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