Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
