I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
