and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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