He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
