Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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