Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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