If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
