Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
