Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
