At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
