READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
