I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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