Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
