Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
