Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
