Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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