So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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