can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
