The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
