Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
