What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
