I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
