Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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