At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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