You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
