okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
