So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
