you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
