She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
