Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
