I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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