I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize