my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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