She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
