I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize