I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
