He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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