I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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