So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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