Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
