I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
