I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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