But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
